Oh dear, no. Please tell me it isn’t really April already. I promise I only blinked for a moment. Okay, maybe two.
I have to admit that I’m completely failing in my intention to read two books a month. I should have read six books by now. Hmmm. Okay, I’m nearly half way done with Made to Crave. I’ve started The Fall of Advertising and the Rise of PR. And I bought If You Build it Will They Come. I haven’t purchased the business license that would enable me to actually start purchasing books wholesale and selling them on-line. Like so many other aspects of my life right now, everything seems to be progressing at a snail’s pace. My perfectionism reigns supreme.
Yes, I want to delve into this list of beautiful books. But I want to do it while lounging in an overstuffed chair, sipping a warm coffee laced with French Vanilla Coffeemate, soaking in a ray of sunlight, surrounded by silence and tranquility. Did I mention that I have three young boys and I’m currently living with my parents? Parents who’s house is not exactly boy-proof? And I homeschool these energetic little people, so there is no such thing as silence. Except when the boys are sleeping. Unfortunately, they are not nocturnal, and so there are no warm rays of sunlight beaming through the windows and I don’t need to encourage my insomnia by drinking coffee at 9:00 at night. And so, when I have a few spare moments that I could spend ingesting a chapter or two, I recall the perfect image I so desire to create, and tell myself that tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow the boys will suddenly have the urge to grab a book and sit with me in the sun room, quietly reading their own volumes, so I can have the perfect picture I so desire. Deep down, and not so deep down, I do know that THAT is NEVER gonna happen. But I cling to it. I have to let go of the perfectionism.
I did take one little baby step away from perfection tendencies: I purchased an e-book. I have the Kindle app on my iPhone, and I have the couple of freebies and the Odyssey which cost maybe $1.99, but that is as far as I was willing to go with the whole e-reader thing. I love books– real books. Real, hold-em-in-your-hand, smell-the-paper-and-ink, highlight-with-an-actual-highlighter, dog-ear-the-pages, lay-it-on-your-chest-to-reflect-on-a-poignant-passage books.
But I needed to jump start my intention, so I downloaded Made to Crave via the Kindle app. I’m too lazy to go through the steps of highlighting, and there is SO much I could highlight. It is a wonderfully encouraging and empowering read. I’ll write more on it when I actually, ya know, finish it. But I’m reading it. On the treadmill, standing in line, waiting for church to start, lying in bed battling the insomnia. It’s convenient. It doesn’t smell or feel like a book, it isn’t the unrealistic, utopia-like vision I see in my mind’s eye. But I’m reading, and good enough is just going to have to be good enough during this season in my life.
So, I’m not on track. And I’m not okay with it. I actually used the word “failing.” I don’t know if I like that word. Yes, the perfectionism stands in my way, once again. But I’m not defeated. I haven’t given up. I haven’t resigned my intention, so I haven’t failed. I will read 24 books this calendar year. (In all fairness, I have read several great books so far this year. I read to my boys, and they’re primarily Newberry Award winning books. But I’m not counting those toward my total). I’m not where I want to be, but I’ll get there. Or, at least, I’ll get as far as I get.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a book to read. What are you reading right now?